Thursday, June 30, 2011

I lied.

dis·cour·age [dih-skur-ij]

–verb (used with object)

1. to deprive of courage, hope, or confidence; dishearten; dispirit.

2. to dissuade (usually followed by from ).

3. to obstruct by opposition or difficulty; hinder: Low prices discourage industry.

4. to express or make clear disapproval of; frown upon: to discourage the expression of enthusiasm.

Needless to say, I did not have a good morning.

If you have read my entire blog, my very first entry stated that I would not use this blog to talk about my lame feelings. Well guess what. Too f*cking bad...I lied.

It took me 45 minutes to find an outfit this morning. NOTHING looked right on me and things were still too small. That was a wake up call. I really haven't lost that much weight. 33 lbs. Big f*cking deal. It really isn't that much when you weigh as much as an elephant.

Yesterday I felt amazing. I had bought a new dress and it fit perfectly and looked great on me. BUT THE DAMN THING WAS STILL A SIZE 24! I am not supposed to be wearing size 24's. WTF. I mean...I LOVE the dress (seersucker trimmed in yellow with 2 cute white buttons on the front and ruffles. And a bow in the back. If that doesn't scream Julie...idk what does), and it made me feel good but it was still a size 24. Ugh.

This morning I was trying to figure out why all my clothes still do not fit right and look like crap. Then I remembered.....I started ww with the 15lbs extra I gained. So technically I have really only lost 18lbs and that is why my clothes are still not baggy. When I started this...all I wore was yoga pants and now I know why!! Because all my other clothes were too tight and uncomfortable. DUH. So of course my clothes aren't going to be baggy yet, I haven't lost enough weight. It really discouraged me. It made me want to cry. I have been working very hard (most the time) but I need to step it up. I have 4 months until my friends wedding and if I try on that damn bridesmaid dress and it still fits....I AM GOING TO SCREAM. More like cry and break down and apologize to my friend that she is going to have a fat turd in her wedding party. The dresses are brown.

So basically...I am more motivated than ever. I hate my f*cking clothes and I want new ones and I want to feel and LOOK like I have lost weight. I am sick of people not noticing yet! I NEED RESULTS. And I am not going to get them without picking up the pace and trying harder. These results are 100% in my control and I am sick of doing this half assed. Time to get determined and give it 100%. So that is what I am going to do. Damnit.

p.s.- I am sorry for using f*ck so much.

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