Saturday, April 14, 2012

Exciting News!! And a whole lot of mess.

This week has been...insane.  So many positive things happened as well as some really bad things!!!  I have alwaysss been an optimist and never try to dwell on negative aspects of my life but sometimes they just can't be avoided.

With that being said...let's start with the amazing things that happened to me this week!

#1 Most AWESOME thing: Today at the gym, this girl (me) ran a MILE! That's right. I ran for 13.5minutes straight and I nearly broke down in happy tears in front of the whole gym. No shame.  It was one of the biggest accomplishments I have ever had during this journey the past year.  I never thought I would be able to run a mile this soon, and look at me! I totally did it!!! I mean...I did hear that it is easier to run on a treadmill than outside, but I don't care! A mile is a mile and I did it!!! All day I had a huge smile on my face. So proud.

#2 This week has all been about ME.  Setting small goals and accomplishing them (not when it comes to homework haha).  I have been running outside a lot since it's been so nice.  My heart belongs to nature and being outside so I ALWAYS take advantage of a nice day.  All week I have been running and pushing myself to go longer and farther. I worked out almost every day this week besides...thursday? I think.  I went to zumba at the gym wed and today but every other day it's running outside.

#3 My new jeans came in this week.  Another pair of 18s from American Eagle.  They look so good and make my booty look awesome. hahahahaha.  I even have to wear a belt on them now.  This is 100% great amazing news but it makes me nervous!! Everytime I go down a size, I shop more lol.  I might need a 2nd job to support my shopping habit :) oh well...I deserve it!!

#4 I had great weight loss results last week and lost about 2lbs.  That puts me back to 268.4!! almost my lowest.  That number still makes me sad but soon it will make me happy! :)

Ok so that was a few examples of how awesome my week has been!  Now, I really don't like talking about personal non-weight loss feelings on this blog, but what i'm about to say does effect my journey.  Therefore I am just going to say it.  Plus, my friends all hate this subject sooooo can't really talk to them about it....

For the past 3 years I have been oblivious to reality when it came to J. I guess I fell in love with someone who was 110% wrong for me in every way possible because he "loved" me when I weighed over 300lbs.  What a stupid ass reason to stay/be with someone! UGH Julie!! The only reason I am even bringing this subject up is because this week we  I 100% ended everything.  We broke up in January and he moved out in March but we were still friends.  I mean I uplifted my life in Delaware and moved to NJ to live with him! He was my best friend and pretty much 1 of 3 friends I have in NJ.  So of course I was still hanging out with him even after we broke up.  Stupid stupid stupid girl. I should have listened to everyone 2 years ago when they said to walk away from him! Anyways, long story short, the reason I am bringing this up is because when we stopped talking for good, I was sad. Obviously I was sad. 3 years is a long time, I mean I thought I was going to marry him and have a family with him!  Then I remembered everything that has ever happened in the past 3 years.  I also thought about what his reaction would have been if I told him I ran a mile.  He wouldn't have even cared, wait, that's a lie. He probably would have said "That's great babe" and called it a day. And that right there is why I know I did the right thing and I am better off without him in my life.  I am so happy right now and I want to be with someone who would be happy for me too.  I want someone to hug me and say "I am so happy for you!! I know you have been working hard and that you want this so bad!" Wait...f that. I want someone to run with me, then say all that stuff!! And acknowledging that that is something I really want in life, makes me keep my head up high and never give up on wanting and achieving what I want.  I refuse to settle for anyone who can't give me what I deserve.  That may sound selfish, but I think that is what I need to be right now.  I have concentrated so much on other people and making them happy, but now it's my turn! It's finally Julie time.  Time for me to do what I need to do for me.  And that is why I am doing me and doing what is right for me.  I am not ready to start searching for a new relationship right now, but when I am ready, I am not settling.  I will find my match and I can tell you one thing, I WILL be happy! (And my friends will like him too :) haha)

Does that make sense?  I feel like I wrote way too much personal stuff for a Saturday night.  I'm like sleep deprived and exhausted so I don't even know if I am making sense right now haha.

That felt amazing to get that out of my head and off my chest.  

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