Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Keeping Secrets

I feel like I am living a double life. And I don't know how much longer I can do it. Here is what I mean:

No one on Facebook knows about my weight loss journey except for a handful of bffs. Why you may ask?? Because...i'm embarrassed.  There are a lot of people I am FB friends with that I don't want them to know what I am doing.  You know who I mean....old boyfriends/crushes and those gossipy Delaware girls from highschool and college.  I am so scared that if I post that I almost lost 50lbs, that when they see me in person they won't be able to tell and I would feel so embarrassed, so it's better that they just don't know.  It's not that I really care what they think, but i'm just not ready to show everyone what I have been doing.  

The reason I am even writing this post is because I keep posting stuff on twitter and instagram about my journey.  It's a place where I feel like I can say whatever I want to about it and I don't have to hold back. No one is judging me and I can be myself.  There I am BeautifulChunk a girl on a weight loss mission, and on FB I am Julie W the girl who has always been chunky.  Am I making any sense? Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me?

I am trying to connect with the twitter and the fit blog community to give them my support because I really need theirs.  There are a few girls that I have become "twitter pals" with and they are awesome.  They give great support and I hope I do the same for them.  Support and motivation are so important during this journey!  I need as much of it as I can get.  Don't get me wrong, I have some AMAZINGLY supporting friends who mean the world to me and help me everyday...but...they just don't understand.  Maybe they do in their own way, but they aren't going through what I go through.  

Here is an example: I'm at work and I told my "friend" that I ran over a mile last night and then I ran for an additional 9 minutes.  (For anyone who really knows me, they know that this is amazing for me).  She just looked at me and was like "good!"  Not that I wanted her to throw me a party or anything but it's like she didn't even care.  Like she isn't happy for me and doesn't want me to succeed.  Who thinks like that?? Ick.  It's not like I am searching for attention, I am just really really REALLY excited about the progress I have been making.  Is that a crime??

That is just another reason why I miss DE and all my friends!!! NJ people are just not friend material hahaha (except brenny. she's my #1 supporter).  When I left the gym last night I was once again on cloud 9.  Smile across my face, so happy.  I immediately posted on twitter before anywhere else because I knew I could be myself there. 

Geeeeeze this weight loss journey really messes with your head and emotions.  I can't wait until I can just be honest with everyone!!! Soon though....soon. 

4 comments:

  1. I have found that a few of the friends I have made in blog land I am now friends with on Facebook! I let everyone know what I'm doing (facebook and twitter) because you never know if there is someone else who needs the support and inspiration that you need also. Plus, if they wouldn't support you in your weight loss journey they shouldn't be your friend!
    Losing weight is a struggle and it can be embarrassing telling the world, not to mention the pressure of failing, but you have lost FIFTY POUNDS, and that is AMAZING! You should shout it from the rooftops! I know I will when I get there! You're amazing and don't let anybody make you think differently!!!

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    1. Carrie!!! You are the best!!! You are absolutely right! :)

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  2. Susan Plackis (susanp21)May 2, 2012 at 11:54 PM

    You should be proud to be doing what you're doing! Your true friends are the ones who will be proud of
    You too! :] it's completely amazing and so inspiring. Not many people can say they've gotten that far. I'm really happy I started following you on instagram and now found your blog. It's definitely an inspiration for me to keep going with my weight loss journey as well!! You mentioned new jersey, what area do you live in?? I live at the shore by Point Pleasant.

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    1. awww thank you so much! You're right, I should just tell everyone what I am doing. Everyday more and more people from my everyday life find me on instagram and find out my secret LOL.

      I am glad you started following me too! I just found you and am following back. I love to see the journeys people take. Everyone is here to inspire eachother, it's what keeps me going! :)

      I live in south jersey in haddonfield. Just moved here 2 years ago, i'm a delaware girl at heart :)

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