Wahhhhhh. I know I know...shutup. Stop whining and complaining. I get it. I do...ok?
This hamstring injury is really starting to get me down mentally. It is one of the hardest things I have dealt with during this journey. I was doing SO well!! Running over a mile and for 16 minutes straight...amazing. Now...I can't even walk into a gym without limping out. SO upsetting.
Last night I was determined to get back to the gym. I knew my leg was no near ready to start running or doing any type of hardcore cardio, but I really wanted to go back and see what I could do without pushing my limits farther than they needed to go. When I got there my leg hurt, but it was ok. I didn't take a percocet all day, trying not to take them unless I really need them (not trying to become an addicted freak). I walked into the gym and it was SO crowded. Note to self: stop going right after work...everyyyyone goes then. It's always better to go after 7pm, all the hotties are there :). Anyways....
I started off on some arm machines. When I first joined the gym, a trainer trained me once and told me that I should use the push pull weight training method. Basically...one day do the machines where you push, the next do the ones that you pull then the 3rd day do your legs. That way you are training different muscle groups each day. So yesterday I did the pull weights. It felt so good to push myself and feel the burn in my arms! My arms are the part of my body I hate the most and am so insecure about. I never wear tank tops or dresses without a cardigan. Needless to say, this is the part of my body that I work on the most. Yesterday was no exception. I went hard and did many reps on many machines. Felt so amazing...until...I stood up from the machines. Apparently the way you sit on the little seat and position yourself to lift...KILLS my leg. Basically, by the time I was done I was limping to my car almost in tears :(
I know...crybaby. But I can't help it. I have had ENOUGH of this and I just want to go back to where I was. I am so scared that I will not be able to continue for weeks. That is terrifying.
The original plan was for all of my friends to start running and training together to do this 5k in September in memory of my friend who passed away. Well...all my friends are doing AMAZING and I am SO proud of them!!!! However, I am not sure if I will be able to train for a 5k in time for the race. This is heartbreaking. I was so determined to finally run this race this year and now I am doubting myself. People always say...well you can always just walk it. NO! That's not the same. I have always been able to walk a 5k. Even at 315lbs! So walking it is not the point and not an option. Michelle always knew I would be able to run it some day...and I will not participate in the race until I can.
This was finally going to be the year that I was going to do it! I still have a glimmer of hope that MAYBE I will be able to pull it off...so I guess I should just stay positive and keep my head up. I do consider myself an optimist so even though I am currently not able to have hardcore workouts, I guess I am appreciative of the lessons it is teaching me. It has taught me how important your food intake is and how important your drive is to the journey. I could have easily given up and just spiraled out of control into my old bad habits. But I haven't and I wont. I have learned that this is a lifestyle change that I want and need. I'm not scared of it and I can't live a happy life without it.
2012 has been one of the best years of my life and it's only June. That has to say something...
“A man is not finished when he is defeated.
He is finished when he quits.”
Taken from Michelle's FB page <3