Monday, July 16, 2012

Hot Mess Rough Monday

A Monday like that is only the result of either a great weekend or a rough one.

In this case...it's a mixture of both.

Obviously the first thing I did this morning when I got to work was weigh myself.  Yes, I keep my scale at work so I don't obsess over it at home...even though I just always obsess over it at work so that doesn't really make sense...anyways...I weighed myself and I am ashamed of the outcome.  I have gained some weight. UGH. Nooooooooooo!!! 100% my fault.  At least I can own up to it right?

Here is why I am to blame:

1. Not enough exercise: Before my injury I was outside running or hitting the gym at least 5 days a week.  Running over a mile and doing at least an hour of cardio plus weight training.  I was also doing zumba up to 3 times a week...I miss that a lot.  Now i maybe go for a long walk (4miles+) 1-2 times a week and lift little 5lb weights at home whenever I remember (which isn't often enough).  This trend has been going on probably the last 2-3 weeks. Booooo

2. Drinking: I am kind of embarrassed that this is even an option to blame. I am a 27 year old woman girl (i'm immature)!! I need to grow up and stop my binge drinking episodes. Before, as in like 3-4 months ago, I never drank.  I would maybeeee drink like once every 4 months. That's it!!! I knew drinking was a poor life decision (pld) trigger so I stayed away from it for the whole weightloss reason.  Not to mention I wasn't really "allowed" to go out with friends and drink (that is a long bullshit story that I am not getting into, but I know that is why I have been going out so much more now). Now I am going out with my friends more often than not.  Don't get me wrong...it is SO fun!  But come onnnnnnn I can go out with my friends without drinking to the extreme...or I would hope so.  This Saturday I drank 3/4 of a bottle of skinnygirl pina colada. REALLY JULIE!? 3/4 of a whole bottle?? Before even going out?!!? That was my pregame...WTF. Hot mess.  I just looked it up on my fitness pal and a whole bottle is 600 calories so I consumed like 450 calories just in alcohol before going to the bar (which really isn't that bad considering how much I drank...skinnygirl products are amazing).  I HATE drinking my calories so this is dumb.  Not to mention that was at like 5pm and I was drinking until about 12pm.  So let's add about 5 beers and a shot to that....AHHH. P.L.D.

3. Excuses:  I have a lot of them apparently.  Before I still always had excuses but I didn't always use them! I was tired...still went to the gym on a Saturday morning.  I didn't have time...I MADE time.  I didn't feel good...too bad I still went.  Now my leg hurts and I call it a day and don't do shit.  It's so annoying and I am so over this injury.  It really does hurt like crazy and when I do exercise I pay for it constantly 2-3 days after.  All day yesterday I was hurting but I didn't pop any pills because let's face it...not trying to have my own intervention episode (Motto to live by: If it's on intervention...don't do it).  So I went to bed last night and woke up at 1:20 am, 2 am and 2:30 am in.so.much.pain. I could not sleep and I was like in tears.  I have no idea why sometimes it hurts so much and sometimes it doesn't...but last night...omggggg.  So I got up and popped pills and 15 mins later I was sleeping.  So for now...that is my excuse for lack in exercise. Ugh...fml.

4. Food Intake: Let me start by saying this is still mostly on point but not 100%.  There is NO bad food in my house and I have always kept it that way.  I incorporate at least 4-5 clean meals a week, mostly dinners on the weekdays.  I do eat dirty little smart ones almost everyday at work but I kinda like them even though they aren't "clean" and "healthy."  That does not mean that I have not been cheating tho...damn.  Before I would avoid situations where I would make food pld's.  I just stayed up in NJ and didn't hang out with my friends as much.  No drinking = no 2am pizza. You follow?  Now since I am out and about almost every weekend...well 2am pizza sometimes happens and it totally shouldn't.  Also, my frenemy eats like shiiiiiiiiiiit everyday at work and at least once a week she persuades me to join her.  PLD. Go away, i'm fat so clearly I have proven to the world I have no will power.

So those are my 4 reasons for this damn weight gain.  It's so frustrating because clearly I know what caused it and what I can do to change it.  Seems like every post is like this one...I fuck up and then talk about what I am going to do to fix it...but then it doesn't get fixed. huh? so dumb.

I have my nerve specialist appointment tomorrow am and I am so excited to get this over with.  I WANT ANSWERS! I want to know what the hell is wrong with me and I want to know how I can fix it.  I am so over this.  I know that if this injury didn't happen that I would be in a much better (and smaller) place than I am right now.

So keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow!


(because I know you are sick of these whiny depressing negative posts just as much as I am)

2 comments:

  1. loved your post, your honesty. You're working though it all, and pretty soon you'll be able to conquer all those issues BEFORE they happen, instead of beating yourself up afterwards. You know what to do, just gotta do it girl! I'm hoping tomorrow goes well and that you find some answers that will help you overcome the pain. My fingers are crossed and I'll be praying for ya <3

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