Thursday, September 20, 2012



an act or instance of failing  or proving unsuccessful; lack ofsuccess: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.
nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: afailure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failureof crops.
deterioration or decay, especially of vigor, strength, etc.:The failure of her health made retirement necessary.

I have been meaning to write this post for a few days now.

This past weekend, September 16th to be exact, was the Miles for Melanoma 5k.  You know, the race my friend started while she was battling melanoma.  You know, the race that means a lot to me.  You know, the race that I was supposed to run the entire 5k in memory of my friend.

Well...that didn't happen.

I am really upset that I set a goal to run this 5k in her honor and I came up short.  I started training a LONG time ago and I believed that in 5 short months I would have been able to train myself from running 0 miles to running 3.1 miles.  And I was well on my way. I had started to train the end of March and by mid April I was up to running 1.25 miles without stopping.

And then I got hurt. :(

It's all my fault really.  I should have known that a 265lb girl should not be running hard core and pushing herself to her limit without properly stretching and training.  It's all my fault that when my leg started to hurt that I kept on going.  I kept running and running and pushing myself harder. WHY?  When you are hurt you should rest.  Go see a doctor. Not keep going.

I am really mad sad disappointed annoyed angry upset that I have to say "next year I will do it."  I have said that the past 3 years!! When will it finally happen?  Can I promise myself that next year I REALLY will run this race? It's something I want SO bad.  It's the one weightloss goal that I HAVE to achieve.  That I WANT to achieve more than anything.  And I will do it!  And it better be next year!!!

I also have a lot of people that are like why don't you just walk it or why don't you run this 5k instead.  That is not the point.  I can already walk a 5k. Even at 315lbs I could was a 5k.  I want to do something I can't do.  I want to work hard and be strong and achieve something I have never done. I want to do that for my friend Michelle.  To show her how much strength and determination she gave me.  I want to show her that I can run HER 5k.  The one she worked so passionately on, the one she started.

I currently am not allowed to run due to my surgery and my back.  However, I can exercise. And that is what I have been doing.

So did I fail? Yes, I did.  I did not achieve the goal I wanted to this year.  Does that mean I will give up?  ABSOLUTELY NOT! I will never give up. Ever.

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