Thursday, February 21, 2013

I'm an INVESTMENT!

You know what really makes me mad?  (And this is totally going to be an angry rant blog post in the beginning but I can't help it. I'm sorry!).  What really makes me mad is that the ONLY reason boys don't like me is because of my weight.  I know that is a bold and conceited statement but I really think it's true. Totally true.

Here are my thoughts:

I got out of a long terrible relationship about a year ago.  I kicked him out of my apartment in March and we stopped talking for good in April.  I saw him in August and haven't really talked to him since.  Totally over him 100%.  But.........a friend told me that after a long relationship like that (3 years) that I truly needed to be single for about a year. And she was totally right.  For the past year I have not wanted anything serious with anyone.  I went on a few dates and had a few short lived romances but nothing serious.  Because I wanted to concentrate on myself and I wasn't interested in dating anyone really.  Loved it.

Recently within the last few weeks I have really started feeling lonely.  Like that maybe I am ready to start dating for real again.  This is so weird because I really have been single for almost exactly a year.  My friend was spot on with her advice.  Crazy.  Anyways I totally went to bed lonely last night and wishing I had someone special in my life that liked me and thought about me before they went to sleep. It totally made me sad and a little angry.

Why was I angry?  Because I personally think that I am trying really hard to be the best person I can be. Yeah I have a ton of flaws like everyone else but I think my personality is pretty legit and I'm a fun person to be around.  Soooooo why do boys not like me?  I have one reason, a BIG (read: fat) reason.  This makes me so mad.  SO very mad.  And sad.

So listen to me preach right now...

I AM AN INVESTMENT. 

I am currently under construction.  If you can't like me while I am working hard to better myself, then I don't want you to ever like me.  Especially when I am at my best.  I will pay you no interest then and will ignore you. If your only reason for not paying attention to me is because of my body, then I wouldn't want you in my life anyway.  The reason I am ranting right now is because I totally know this is true and I can't be the only one that feels this way.  When I hang out with friends and start talking to a boy and he won't make eye contact with me or he just brushes me off...it really hurts my feelings.  You don't even know me and you are judging me by the way I look and dismissing me.  How mature. So sad and annoying.

But I really am an investment.  If you took time to get to know me and understand who I am, then you won't be sorry. I will improve the way I look.  There is NO doubt about that. I already have and I will continue to improve.  And let me make this clear.  When I do get there...I will be too good for you, you won't deserve me.  Not because I think I am better than you, but because you always thought you were better than me.  And you aren't. Does that make sense?  And no, this is not about any person in particular.  This is a message to all men. Ha.

rant over.

Ok now some gym weightloss items...

Question for everyone: Do you like purposely try to look cute at the gym?  I do.  I make sure I am color coordinated and look somewhat cute in the beginning   I know it's dumb but you never know who is creepin!  I mean I take my makeup off but I do make sure my hair is cute.   An ideal situation would be to meet a boy at the gym.  It is important to me to have that fitness passion in common so that would be perfect!!! Anyways...now on to my workout.

I had my favorite awesome zumba class last night.  I love it.  It was an amazing sweat sesh as always. Loved every minute of it!!!

Zumba Wednesday!!!
YES LOVE IT!
I look like a hot mess after.  A sweaty awesome hot mess!

HA!
Me trying to be cute to go workout.
Idiot <3
So it was a really awesome workout. I am feeling it today.  Def went all out last night.  I love nights like those.  Where you just want to have a kick ass workout and try extra hard.  MY FAV!

Sorry about the rant earlier.  It is just something that bothers me so much.  Please tell me someone else out there feels the same?  Or that there really are great guys out there that don't care about that stuff?

9 comments:

  1. Where to start with this one…. Hmm… I WAS you 9 years ago. Well, not entirely exactly. I had NEVER had a boyfriend. I had never kissed a boy. I was fat. I was a wonderful person who was capable of so much love but I was fat. I mean, in high school I wasn’t crazy overweight but this guy I liked, a friend talked to him about me and I directly quote (you know it must still sting if I can directly quote it even now)… She has a cute face, but she’s kind of fat. Ouch! I gained a lot more weight in my late teens and early twenties culminating in my 220-ish start of weight watchers. I was completely worthy of love. I was the same wonderful person regardless of weighing 220 or 150… BUT… the truth is I didn’t love me. And the truth is men are kind of pigs really and unfortunately a man in his twenties really cares about that stuff.

    I worked thru my mental issues and my weight issues and eventually did match.com where it honestly didn’t take me to long to meet my husband. I met him when I weighed 145 pounds. In the last 8 ½ years I have been 130 pounds I have been 150 pounds, I have been 220 pounds. Never once did he commented on my weight. Once you get past the exterior we are the same person on the inside no matter what. I don’t think you are wrong for your rant at all. I think men are very visual and it takes an amazing man to see past the immediate and really appreciate the work in progress. You are 100% right, you do not need a man who would only want you at your best. Truth is for the rest of our lives are a work in progress. I personally wish more people would find the beauty in us just as we are. I am sure he is out there… you have been doing so great and I am certain that when the stars and moon align and everything is meant to be it will happen.. Good men DO exist, they just might be hard to find sometimes but you are worth the wait!!!!

    If I have to work out in public I definitely try to look cute and coordinate. You are not alone there. When I occasionally go to the gym or run outside I make sure I wear my best outfit and of course totally do my hair!!!! That is just a good girl thing to do 

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    1. ahhhhh i <3 you so much!!! You are amazing. I love everything you say! Your story gives me hope! xoxoxoxxoxo

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  2. Jules any guy would be lucky to have you in their life. The right person who loves you for you will come around. "The best things in life are worth waiting for!" You don't want some guy that is only about himself. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I know you feel like your clock is ticking but you are still young. Just work on you right now and everything else will fall in to place. Love you xoxo

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    1. Jennnnn you know I don't care about no clock tickin. Hahahaha!!!! Love you sis! xoxox

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  3. I totally agree! I am on a similar journey as a single and soon to be fit female! Check out my blog www.carbsdontkillmyvibe.blogspot.com

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  4. I too have had experience with this. I've been rather fortunate though in that I've been lucky enough to be with my husband for the past thirteen years. I've always been a bigger girl, but ended up putting a lot more weight on once we were married (trying to change that now). He has told me that he does wish I would lose weight, but only for my health but I also know he's only said it because he really does love and worry about me. Don't give up...there are great guys out there who will love you for who you really are! :-)

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  5. Oh you read my mind friend. I have been having the same thoughts lately. We are awesome great women and one day we will find some to love us for who we are. Sadly I have been thinking about it and my thought has been that maybe he will like me if I lost weight. And it makes me sad to think that. :(

    anywho you are doing great!! xoxoxo Mel

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    1. We should NOT feel that way. We totally shouldn't. We should never think that "if I lose weight then someone will fall in love with me." I hate thinking like that...bc who wants a guy that would only love you if you looked a certain way?! I don't. Yet......I still think that way.

      We are awesome. We are improving ourselves for US! No one else <3

      Love you friend! xoxoxoxox

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