Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Déjà vu?

Déjà vu, (/ˌdeɪʒɑː ˈvuː/) from French, literally "already seen", is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past, whether it has actually happened or not.

Unfortunately that is how I'm currently feeling regarding my back.  I feel like I have done this same exact thing already, meaning: in pain not going to the gym and being scared of gaining my weight back. Oh wait...I haaave done this same exact thing! Bummer.

The only good news is that my back does not currently hurt as much as it did last week.  Over the weekend I was able to rest and did not go to the gym at all.  I had plans to meet a friend at zumba on Sunday and I was very disappointed I had to cancel. There is no way I can do any type of exercise that involved dancing or jumping around...zumba and kickboxing are out of the equation for a bit.  The point is I didn't go to the gym for a week and my back feels a little better.  Pain isn't shooting down my leg and it only really hurts if I move it a certain way. Awesome!! This is good news.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself.  I am very angry and pissed off about where I stand today...3 years into my weightloss journey.  It seems like I have made no real progress in the past year and a half!! In fact...it's like I took 200 million steps back. It's so upsetting and I get myself into these ruts where I have no one else to blame for my lack in progress besides myself.  I really HATE when people complain about things in their own control...aka what I'm doing right now.  I have no one to blame but me and I'm the only one who can fix the current situation. I really need to get back into my weightloss routine and make shit happen.  I'm terrified to step on the scale and I know I'm only pounds away from my size 18 jeans being too tight.  I refuse to backtrack in that way...I refuse.



I did this comparison picture to try to make myself feel better. To see that I HAVE made a little progress. Unfortunately the only thing this picture does is piss me off. I am not even that different than I was when I started.  I mean...most of my bad habits have changed, and that's GREAT!  But some are still there and it's so hard for me to make them go away.  Why is this journey so damn hard for some people and so easy for others?  Why do I have to be the one who struggles with it every. damn. day.  I guess the only thing I can think of is that if it wasn't a struggle with weightloss...it would be a struggle with something else...

Ok...my self pity party is done...time to make a change.  After all...it is in MY control.

11 comments:

  1. 1. Step on the scale, and record the number, whatever it is.

    2. Your back is getting better already. No shame in continuing to rest it - adjust diet accordingly if needs be.

    3. Most of your bad habits have changed, that's superb. Go grab the book "The Power of Habit" and get a habit tracking app for the smartphone - this is working for me so far this year.

    4. Accept that even awesome people go through difficult patches, but the difficulties will end and you'll be back to normal soon.

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    1. I did step on the scale this morning and it wasn't as bad as I thought...thank god. I am going to start going to the gym this week I think. My back still hurts but not as bad!

      Thank you so much for your kind words! :) <3

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  2. It says so much that you recognize this is going to be difficult as you work to let your back heal and feel better and are willing to change things to make it all work for you. You can do it!! Lots of healing thoughts to you.

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  3. Hi. Okay, so this is my first time visiting your site, which I came to via Infinitely Indecisive. I just wanted to say that there really IS a difference - a fairly decent one, at that, in the comparison photos. Your face is a lot thinner, your chin is smaller, and your eyes on the right show a lot of internal growth and strength. So here's the scoop: I know it sucks. It REALLY, REALLY DOES. Anyone who says different or says "just eat less" is an asshole who has no freaking clue. (Yeah...I'm on my own journey here...) and I just wanted to shout out that from what I've read, you appear to be interesting and I plan to stick around for a while.

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    1. Hi Becky! Hahaha those that say eat less make me laugh...and they are assholes LOL!! Thank you for being so awesome and reading! Do you have a blog?

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  4. As I have always told myself, no matter what I do weight will be a life long battle for me. I have been going through my own pity parties lately where especially during the holidays I fell off, but after reading your blog you made me realize that I am going to fail at times, but picking back up and not giving up are two important aspects. You have come A LONG way.. not many people in life can say they lost 50 lbs and I am right there with you that I have been on this journey for quite some time and haven't made it past that 50lb mark.

    Know you inspire people while reading this blog :) Don't give up!

    Just thought I'd share! Twitter: @megar0ons

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    1. Awww thank you so much! That really means a lot to hear people from the outside say that they can relate. You are doing a great job as well and thank you so much for saying such nice things :) xoxo

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  5. Wow, you really don't see the difference? Lady, then you need to have your eyes checked! You certainly have lost weight and enough of it that the shape of your face has changed. You have a very pretty heart shaped face that was hidden before. Keep going. You are doing great! And keep taking comparison photos as they will show you over time how much your weight changes as you go.

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    1. ...thank you...I see a slight difference but I guess it's easier to see from the outside? I still feel like I look the same sometimes. I guess I just have to keep going! Thanks for the sweetness <3

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