...I'm still here. It's been a loooooong time since I've written a post so I decided that it's time to fill everyone in on what's been going on in my life!
First off...I GOT A NEW JOB! An amazing job. A fabulous job. Pretty much my DREAM job! With that new job comes a lot more responsibility and work. What this translates to: no more blogging at work...womp womp. At work blogging used to be my favorite hobby haha. I don't have a work space at home or a laptop that doesn't resemble a fossil, so I rarely boot up to write. And let's be real...typing a whole post on an iPad...no thanks. Work was really the only time I ever updated so since I can't do that anymore...that's why there haven't been many posts. OH and the fact that I have made some terrible mistakes....
Yes. I've backtracked. A lot.
I am currently in a downward spiral headed back to where I started at over 300lbs. This news saddens me to a point of tears. I'm in denial and I will not step on the scale. I can not and will not face that disgusting number that tells me that I've failed. I hate that word...fail. Someone can only fail if they give up and I refuse to give up. However, I will be honest with myself and admit that I've really messed up. Bad.
Even though I don't know how much weight I've actually gained...I can tell by the way that I look and feel that it isn't good. My face looks bigger and my clothes feel different. I used to get so excited about how my clothes fit and now I get sad. I hate this feeling and it's time to really fix it.
I know I know...how many times have I typed that sentence on this blog?? Probably about 100. In fact...I believe I wrote an inspiring post a few posts back saying it was time to fix things...and guess what?! I didn't. That's life. You make these big plans based on the motivation you're feeling and then it doesn't work out. That's all a big part of this thing we call a weightloss journey. It sucks, yes, but it's important. Everyone must reach their lows in life to appreciate the highs and strive for improvement.
There are so many things going against me and it would be so easy to say "f this...I quit!" But no...I can't do that because as I have stated over and over....I.will.not.fail.
My new job is in Philadelphia which is about 45mins to an hour commute. This is where my problems are happening. I no longer work near my favorite gym location. This is heartbreaking. All of my favorite classes, gym friends and instructors were here! Not only was the gym close to my old job, but it was SO easy for me to make all of the 5:45pm classes after work. Now...I don't even get home until 6pm and I am about 20 minutes away from that location. No more kickboxing, no more skanky zumba, no more gym friends and no more favorite instructors. This alone is terrible. Heartbreaking. Unfortunate. Anyone who works out knows how important it is to enjoy what you're doing...add a few friends to the equation and you got yourself a great gym routine. The only solution to this that I can come up with is to find replacements. Find new classes to fall in love with and make new friends. Lame.
I really need to make a new routine. I need to go to work, eat on track, come home and workout. I can do this. I know I can. I just need to start from scratch and DO IT. This pretty much means starting at the beginning. My workout progress has def regressed and I need to start slow again. I think that walking outside is the best place to start...
Help me get my motivation back.